Dream: Overpass

I’m standing under an overpass. Unlike most there are quite a few people around many walking both directions up and down the street. Cars are zooming along over us as well as the on the street just beside us. I can tell it’s some time in the future based on how everything looks and the style of their clothes.

I’m here to meet someone one. A woman that I love. In the back of my mind I know I’ve proposed to someone else, but this one is my true love. We hug and spend a few mins there ignoring the noise and the people passing around us, just the two of us and some nagging guilt in my head telling me that this is the one I should be with.

As we begin to leave a white van pulls up, and just like in the movies the sliding door opens and we jump in as quick as we can. Inside is my Pastor, Pastor Michelle, and some one else driving who I never see. The inside of the van is stripped to the metal panels, expect the two captains chairs that we are sitting in. PM sits across from us and hands us two metal snaps. (if you’ve ever seen a jacket that had metal buttons or snaps that were used instead of a zipper then you’ve got the right idea) I open the snap and inside is a red pill almost. I see out of the corner of my eye the woman I’m with take the pill. I follow suit and lick the pill right out of the snap.

That’s when I woke up. (Weird right?)

Attacking the Vision

For the past few weeks God has really put on my heart a vision for the future and He has begun to reveal to me the purpose he has for me on this earth.

So it seems only appropriate that the enemy would attack my physical sight as well.

A few weeks ago I went to the eye doc to get my eyes checked so I could get some new contacts. After a few lengthy tests the doc told me that based on the results he’s concerned that I might have glaucoma and I’d have to come back for additional tests. Which is currently scheduled for Tuesday (5/26/09). Glaucoma as I understand it is the death of optic nerves that can slowly and will unnoticeably reduce your vision. There’s no cure but with meds the effect of the disease can be slowed.

If this disease is not God’s will then it is an attack of the enemy. The pills seem like an easy solution. But really they are man’s solution to a spiritual problem. The devil would use them like chains around my neck.

Now I haven’t gotten a final diagnosis from the doc and I’ll probably get a second opinion anyway but I’ve begun praying against the spirit of infirmity, against the plans of the enemy, and that the Lord’s will be done.

And I’m asking you all to join with me. So that when I go back in on Tuesday I’ll have an amazing witness to the glory of God to share with the doc and to encourage my fellow believer’s.

With or without physical sight I will see the glorious face of my Lord and savior Jesus Christ. Because He has already won the victory.

Update 5/27/09

The Eye Doc confirmed yesterday that I do not have glaucoma, that my optic nerve is just larger than normal. Thank you for all your prayers. 🙂

Vision: Reach Out and Touch Someone

We live in an increasingly virtual world. We talk to each other through email, IM, and Facebook. I work all day on computers and programs that someday someone might use and hopefully it will make their lives easier, but more than likely I will never meet them. I don’t know my neighbors, I barely know my co-workers, and I struggle to connect to close friends and family through everyday conversation.

At times I feel like I don’t live in the real world.

I live a very comfortable life. I’m blessed with a good job, a loving family, and a wonderful wife. Sure I have my fair share of problems and difficulties, but if I’m hungry it’s cause there’s 30 minutes till lunch, if I’m in pain it’s cause I did too much at the gym, and if I’m worried it’s cause I’m not sure if my favorite TV series will be back next season. Now I’m simplifying here for the sake of making a point.

I feel at times like a live in my ivory tower of more-holier-than-though-christianity or I’m hiding behind my computer monitor thinking I’m making a difference because I write down my thoughts on blog for the world to see, when just outside my door is world full of real need.

I really feel this tug on my heart to reach out and touch the real world.

I don’t know what God has planned for my life, but I do know the things he’s pu on my heart. To see the nation of Israel, my family, and my country on fire for God the likes of which this world has never seen before. To see men living more like real men and not the neutered versions we see now. To take a stand against abortion. I don’t know my role in these things, and I don’t know how to accomplish them. But I do know that these things are on God’s heart as well.

While I may not know the full path ahead of me, but I do know the starting point.

Prayer – This is one area I really need to grow in. I’m not sure why it’s a weak point for me, but it really is. Prayer will draw me closer to God and his will. And that’s where I want to be. In the comming moths and years prayer will be a very important part of my family life and raising my children. I’ve started with learning to pray for my wife using a book that she gave me :-).

Mentor/Disciplship – Another thing God has really put on my heart to find a mentor or someone who will disciple me. To keep me accountable, to encourage me, or just give some wise counsel. This is especially important since my Dad passed away, I’ve grown to recognize God as my true father and Pastor Joe as a spiritual father, but I need someone in my daily life to stand in the gap.

Start Here and Now – I don’t think God’s call on my life is one that starts years in the future, but rather something that I should start working on now. By being a better witness at work, at the gym, or anywhere else I might go. The wrong thing here is to present my self as some perfect being, and the extreme of sinning along with the other person is just as wrong. But rather minister as Jesus did loving the sinner and not the sin.

This is a lot. A lot to explain and a lot to take in. And as I’ve said I’m not sure where all this is taking me, but what I do know is that God is slowly (in God’s perfect timing of course) answering one of my oldest prayers. And that is “what is my place in life”.

Me the Warrior.

Matthew 11:12 (New Living Translation)

12 And from the time John the Baptist began preaching until now, the Kingdom of Heaven has been forcefully advancing,[a] and violent people are attacking it.

I always daydreamed about being this great action hero (You know Rambo, Batman, Superman all rolled into one). In my head I can see myself as this vicious fighter. Take no prisoners kind of guy. If you know me, that’s definitely the opposite from who I am on the outside. But it has always been my dream.

I know in my head and especially in my hear that I’m called to be a Mighty Warrior for God, but I’ve really struggled with putting it into practice. So when I came across this post by Seth Barnes, it really was right on with how I want to be.

“Look, hell, you may have taken my loved one away. You may have robbed me of something I held dear. You may have marked me for destruction, but I sure as heck (go ahead and say “hell” if you’re feeling particularly righteous) am not going to sit here and take it! I am going to fight you for what God has given me. Society may place a premium on being nice and looking proper, but I don’t have any more room in my life for nice! I will fight you tooth and nail for what is mine, and furthermore, now that you’ve riled me up, I will exact a price for this. Where I’ve been complacent, I will start putting on the Ephesians 6 armor. Where I’ve been passive, I will start praying warfare prayers. Instead of sleeping in, I’m going to start getting up early and praising God. I’ve had it – I’m not going to sit still any longer! I know there’s a warrior’s spirit in me somewhere, and I intend to summon it up!”

I’m going to focus on this for awhile, and try to begin to walk it out.

Dream: Christmas in the Mountains

I haven’t recorded a dream in awhile, not that I haven’t had any just none as vivid as this or I haven’t been able to hang on to them long enough to write down.

The dream starts off with me and Arielle driving through the mountains faster than we should have (really it reminded me of a Bond movie), and of course as we go around a curve I see an officer just sitting there waiting waiting to catch a speeder like myself. Keeping my eyes on the winding road ahead I don’t see if he turns on his lights to come after me, but I do realize that the place we are going is just ahead. So turn off the main road onto the driveway of a large cabin. Inside is what appears to be a large Christmas party, I don’t remember much about who was there or who I interacted with. But what I do remember is repeatedly going outside to check on my car. See I was worried that the officer I saw on the road would follow me, and try to find out where I had gone. So kept going back to check on the car and make sure that no cops had shown up. In between the trips outside, I was just hanging out in the main room of this warmly lit cabin. While I was in this room, Pastor Michelle showed up dressed as Mrs. Claus. Again I went to check on the car, and as I was walking out I saw my mom also dressed as Mrs. Claus. It was during one of these trips outside that I saw a cop car come into the parking lot, it went through slowly an then left. Relieved I rejoined the party inside, and decided to explore the outer deck. The deck was pretty interesting, what I remember most was this gigantic Christmas tree off to the right. As I’m walking around it, I hear the familiar voice of my father and as I get closer I see he’s dressed up as Santa Claus doing something with the kids. Oddly I didn’t stay and talk to him, but merely kept walking, just happy that he was there. Back inside my mom pulls me aside and starts telling me about a problem she’s been having with Sam’s school. It seems they put together an end of the year video and for some unknown reason they included budget information. What they included was that my mom had paid something like $300 to the school, and it really embarrassed my mom. She went on to say that it had something to do with Sam’s health insurance. All the time she’s telling me this the feeling of anger was really vivid, anger at the school for embarrassing my mom like this. It was about this time that I woke up, so I don’t know where it was all headed. And trust me I think it’s as weird as you do. But it’s important to remember these kinds of things, so there it is. What’s interesting to me is the three really vivid emotions I went through fear (of the cops), joy (at seeing my dad), and anger (or being upset, at my mom’s ordeal). Don’t know what it all means or even if it has meaning.

Maybe someday I’ll understand.

I am a desperate man.

I am in desperate need. Lord hear my prayer.

I am desperate for your Grace.

I am desperate for your Strength.

I am desperate for your Wisdom.

All I have to offer in return is my life. If I had more that I could give, I would.

I pray that my sacrifice is pleasing to you.

My Lord, Master, and Savior, here I am your humble servant.

Thank you Lord for pouring out your grace, your strength, and your wisdom in abundance.

Thank you Lord for pouring out blessings and favor beyond all imagination.

Does God Care?

Have you ever had perfect timing with a stop light? I mean that light turns green just before you start to step on your breaks, instead of the usual where the light turns red and you have to stomp on your breaks to make sure you don’t run a red light. It’s a beautiful thing when it happens.

I’ve had more than one crappy day in my life. Days where I’m driving home or somewhere else, I’m already irritable, and I come up to that intersection where the light is always red (you know the one), and it has to be the longest red light ever created. Wow you should hear the grumbling that goes through my mind as I approach that light. But this time I see that beautiful shade of green, the worries and troubles of the day just seem to melt away. I’m reminded of God’s grace and love. I tell God thank you for this small bit of grace that has suddenly turned into a modern day miracle. I know it’s not parting the Red Sea, but on a day like that it might as well be.

Immediately the thought hits my mind, “Does God really care about you getting that light?”. And from the perspective of the universe as a whole it’s not that big of a deal (neither is my day for that matter). So the natural, logical side of me wins, and I go back to by dreary day. It’s not as bad as before, but that light doesn’t mean the same thing.

At least until the other day.

I was running a bit late for work, which is not the norm (just in case my boss is reading, I wanted to clarify that :)), and I had perfect timing for catching the elevator. Once inside the elevator, I said a quiet thank you to God for blessing me with the elevator. And like normal, the thought hits me about does God really care, but this time was different. The Holy Spirit asked me a simple question, “Don’t you want God to care about the small stuff?”. My reply went something along the lines of “Ummm yeah”. I wish I could articulate what followed, but I just can’t. The Holy Spirit showed me that the relationship that God wants with us is one where even the little things in my life are interesting to him. He doesn’t just want me to share the big things in my life with him, but everything in it, my plans, my feelings, everything. And like wise He wants to share everything with me. Isn’t that wonderful, and doesn’t that challenge us to lead a different kind of life?

The short answer: Yes!

Where did this come from?

You have to understand, I’ve been a Christian since the age of 5, and I’ve been through classes where we focused on the book of John, so I’m assuming that someone just added the 17th chapter of John. Cause I don’t remember reading anything like this before*:

John 17

The Prayer of Jesus

1 After saying all these things, Jesus looked up to heaven and said, “Father, the hour has come. Glorify your Son so he can give glory back to you. 2 For you have given him authority over everyone. He gives eternal life to each one you have given him. 3 And this is the way to have eternal life—to know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, the one you sent to earth. 4 I brought glory to you here on earth by completing the work you gave me to do. 5 Now, Father, bring me into the glory we shared before the world began.

6 “I have revealed you[a] to the ones you gave me from this world. They were always yours. You gave them to me, and they have kept your word. 7 Now they know that everything I have is a gift from you, 8 for I have passed on to them the message you gave me. They accepted it and know that I came from you, and they believe you sent me.

9 “My prayer is not for the world, but for those you have given me, because they belong to you. 10 All who are mine belong to you, and you have given them to me, so they bring me glory. 11 Now I am departing from the world; they are staying in this world, but I am coming to you. Holy Father, you have given me your name;[b] now protect them by the power of your name so that they will be united just as we are. 12 During my time here, I protected them by the power of the name you gave me.[c] I guarded them so that not one was lost, except the one headed for destruction, as the Scriptures foretold.

13 “Now I am coming to you. I told them many things while I was with them in this world so they would be filled with my joy. 14 I have given them your word. And the world hates them because they do not belong to the world, just as I do not belong to the world. 15 I’m not asking you to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one. 16 They do not belong to this world any more than I do. 17 Make them holy by your truth; teach them your word, which is truth. 18 Just as you sent me into the world, I am sending them into the world. 19 And I give myself as a holy sacrifice for them so they can be made holy by your truth.

20 “I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me through their message. 21 I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me.

22 “I have given them the glory you gave me, so they may be one as we are one. 23 I am in them and you are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me. 24 Father, I want these whom you have given me to be with me where I am. Then they can see all the glory you gave me because you loved me even before the world began!

25 “O righteous Father, the world doesn’t know you, but I do; and these disciples know you sent me. 26 I have revealed you to them, and I will continue to do so. Then your love for me will be in them, and I will be in them.”

I know it’s a lot to read and take in all at once, but for some reason this chapter really struck me today.  I’ve had friends, family, and pastors pray for me throughout my life, but the thought never occurred to me that while on this Earth Jesus Christ, the Son of God. Prayed for me, and if that weren’t enough, if you read the next chapter you’ll find that He prayed this prayer right before being arrested, tried, and crucified. I know if that were me, some jerk a few thousand years off in the future wouldn’t have been the focus of my prayers right then.

Jesus prayed for me. Now that brings a smile to my face.

I don’t know, but something about this passage really struck me today and really lifted me up. And I wanted to share. 🙂

*Footnote: Yes I know that the Bible is the immutable word of God. I was merely trying to give you an understanding of how this chapter came out of left field and smacked my heart.

*BibleGateway for the win!

It’s the Fire that Purifies

Sometimes it takes awhile for me to catch on to what God is telling me. It wasn’t until I read this article over on boundless that I really realized what people mean when they say that hard times show you who you really are underneath. When things are hunky dorry, it’s easy to put a mask on, it’s easy to lie to yourself and others, when things are good we can take little problems like a champ.

But’s the hard times when the walls fall down, it’s those times that the masks come off. It’s hard to put up a front and deal with serious issues at the same time. It’s hard to smile when you beyond fustrated. It’s hard to take on those little annoyneces when you’ve reached the end of your rope or had it up to here.

I had one of those experiences, I had a rough day at work and I was really fustrated with one of my collegues. I said something I shouldn’t have, not to him or her directly but infront of several other collegues. I’ve repented. And I’ve asked God to help me deal with that problem in my life. But this experience really helped me to see that God can allow fustrating things to happen in our lives to show us that we are not the perfect people we try to pretend to be.

God used this situation to reveal to me who I really am. He revealed to me the level to which I was relying on my natural self, when I should have been relying on him, casting my burdens on him rather than trying to carry everything myself. If I had been doing that I wouldn’t have gotten, so easily fustrated and I wouldn’t have let me tongue say something that should never have been said.