here i am
here You are
here i worship my King
here i hear your voice
here i find peace everlasting
here i find love given unconditionally
here i find joy overflowing
here is not a time
here is not a place
here is Your kingdom
here is where heaven meets earth
here your glory is revealed
here our hearts beat as one
here You reign
here in my heart
here You are
here i am

the unseen

it starts with a cloud
a dark blot on the horizon
left or right there’s no avoiding
the winds howl
the rain beats
the unwelcome storm comes

hidden beyond the darkness
veiled by fear and doubt
ever-present the Sun still shines
the unknown light
the unfelt warmth
the unseen glory pierces the darkness

it starts with a ray
bright beyond bright
shot like an arrow from the heavens
the target is not the bullseye
the target is not a trophy
the target is a heart

my heart melts
reminded of days without clouds
a promised glorious future
the unseen becoming seen!
the Son!
the Father!

my Father!
He’s thought of me!
He’s remembered me!
His faithfulness!
His love!
my hope


And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him. Hebrews 11:6

Today was a day to grow and build my faith, in the midst of it I read the challenging words below.

I swirl the Words around, wine shocking dead tastebuds: “Without faith, it is impossible to please God.”
A shell splinters.

I scrawl it across paper:

The pen hovers over paper. What are the things that I don’t have the skill set for, the resources for, the route for?

I know those things, like a man knows his demons. I look over at my husband, throat dry.

And the words trip out, disoriented. “The things in my life that require faith are the things that terrify me.” Children and husband look up from their journals, heads tilted in question. I know I’m supposed to be writing, but the pen’s found bedrock and I shout Eureka. Shout and tremble.

Doesn’t that verse mean that to please God, I have to do move out into places of fear?” Farmer Husband lays down his pen, pushes his chair back, ready to receive all of me.

“I mean, it clearly says: Without faith, it is impossible to please God. And I hate to say it….” I say it anyways. We’re family and this is the embrace of transparency.

But not much in my life requires faith. I intentionally construct my life that way: do things I know I can do, with means I have, in territory familiar to me. But isn’t God saying that to please Him we need to live in this wild leap of faith?

I glance down again at that verse printed onto parchment of God’s Word, thin paper, light shining through, right into your soul. “That’s terrifying space.”

I take a deep breath, look him in the eye, and whisper my paraphrase. “It’s impossible to please God unless I do things I’m afraid of.”

From A Holy Experience


words had been spoken
memories had been shared
tears had flowed
and flowers had been laid
love was poured out
in the greatest way
only one act left undone
the final act of love

a shovel of dirt for my rebellion,
and a rock for your wisdom

a shovel of dirt for my depression,
and a rock for your joy

a shovel of dirt for my pride,
and a rock for your love

dirt wasn’t all that was left behind that day
and sadness wasn’t all that was taken away
beneath the dirt lies regret
and on my heart hope
because two people died that day
one was you
the other me


I haven’t been too faithful lately to record my dreams, in part because of the chaotic nature of some of them, but regardless, I’m going to ask for forgiveness and try to catch you all up on my last several dreams in one gigantic post. 🙂 To the best of my recollection, this is the order that the dreams occurred in.

The first in a series of really chaotic dreams was one where Ari and I were racing all around to try and buy supplies for a missions trip. That’s all I can really remember.

The second dream we were sitting in my mom’s house trying to find a way into Africa. This lady was there who pioneered going to Africa, so we showed her the map and she says, “There’s a river right there,” and proceeded to draw it on my map. Naturally, I’m like “wait that wasn’t on the map” and she responds, “I’ve seen it.”

Last of the chaotic dreams was one where we were in England in what seemed like a video game. We would cross bridge after bridge in search of the crown jewels, but each time we did, the game changed a little bit. Finally we got to the end and I woke up.

Somewhere in between was a really cool dream. I was climbing up a mountain that was lush and really green, almost cartoony green. As I’m climbing, I get lifted up to a really high place in the sky where I can look down and recognize the place where I had been climbing, but I could also see the area as a whole. It turns out that I was scaling the outside of a Google logo (where each letter is an island in the sea). Just as quick I’m lowered back down to the inside of the letter I had been climbing all the way to the inside of our church which for some reason was now on this island. PM was there and a few others I didn’t recognize. She had to go take care of something, so she asked me to do something. While she’s away and I’m doing whatever, this guy comes up and I recognize him as the owner of the islands. Somehow I knew that PJ had really been wanting to buy this island with a really high mountain right in the middle of the other islands. I tried stalling the owner at first hoping PJ would be back in time to talk to him. I told the guy about PJ’s plans and he seemed to like them and even gave me the price on what it would cost to rent the place ($845). In the end the owner had to go, but I promised to pass on the info to PJ. After that I walked around the island a bit before waking up.

Weird huh?

The Season

Can your ears hear the trumpet sound?
It announces coronation of our king.

Can you taste the wine on your lips?
It fills your mouth with blessings from on High.

Can your ears hear the trumpet sound?
It announces new life, a promise fulfilled.

Can you taste the sweetness on your lips?
It promises joy in the days to come.

Can you hear the trumpet sound?
It cries out to those who will hear,
Awaken to the season!