Author: ashansky

Tall and quiet programmer from Memphis, that is in love with a sweet girl from Orlando.

The Dinner Table

I seem to be in a very strange transition, and I’m beginning to wonder if my parents weren’t right all along. The other day, my wife and I sat down for dinner, and with a baby in the not too distant future, my mind began to wonder about how our family meals will be. How much it will mean to me to have my kids at the dinner table. To watch them grow from meal to meal. To share our day together, what did they do in school and how was my wife’s day. Taking all that in, I started to remember how meals were at my house, and how quickly I tried to finish so I could go back outside and play with my friends or get back to my favorite videogame/book. What I remember most was not really caring about everyone else, but satisfying my stomach and then getting back to what I was doing. The thought crosses my mind about how different things would be if I could go back and change that knowing now what I know. “You’ll understand when you have kids of your own.” Begins to ring in my ears, and I realize that I’m beginning to understand what they meant when they said that. I thought I did, but now I’m not so sure.

The Challenge – Change the world!

We live in interesting times. That’s something we all wish for but never quite understand. Mostly because the word interesting is very vague, it can mean fun and exciting and it can also mean weird or strange. I say that because we live in a day and age where at the click of a button I can instantly communicate with millions if not billions. Go back a few years ago and we would have had to buy time on a local television station or a network in order to accomplish that, go back before that and it was radio. And pretty much any time before that reaching millions with any alacrity (quickness) was unheard of. The women and men who worked tirelessly for woman to gain the right to vote, had to travel all around the country speaking, debating, and hand out pamphlets just to get their voices heard. Before that abolishonists  had to do something similar to have their voices heard. They worked for years and years to change the minds of their neighbors and then their countrymen. In order to bring about some of the greatest changes the world has ever seen. Women won the right to vote and the opportunity to be seen as equals. Slavery was abolished. Wars were fought. And it began with a battle for the hearts and minds of the people.

Today we are still faced with bias and racism the battle for freedom still has to be fought for some. As the dream for racial and gender equality inches closer. Our society becomes more and more focused on technology. Lightening fast communitcation now allows us the ability to talk with anyone anywhere at just about any time instantly. We have email, IM, twitter, google, iPhones, and laptops that keep us up to speed with the world around us. News and information is everywhere we look. But the dreams of a utopian society are still a far off.

Why is that?

Why are more people depressed than ever? Why are there more divorces? Why are more people popping pills to keep themselves healthy, alert, and even happy?

Where is the church in all of this? Why has Christianity seemed to have taken a back seat in modern day society? We have hope and joy more abundantly, but yet we become like the chameleon. We try to blend into society. What we want more than anything is to be normal. Even when normal is not looking so hot. Rather than change the world we sit back tell everyone we saw it coming first. We hate the ones that have been rightfully placed in authority over us. Rather than praying for them we puke and buy guns.

Does our trust really lay with Christ? Or do we trust in our own strength, in our firepower, or in how we are right morally?

The time has come for the Church to quit playing church and become the Church (the bride and body) that she was meant to be a kingdom of heaven. I’m trying not to bash, but it’s something God has really placed on my heart and not just for our land but for all.

So how does this happen, how do we change the world? Do we give more money? Do we give more of our time and energy? Do we read our Bibles more? Or Do we just need to lengthen our prayer time from five mins to twenty? And while all those things are good, the challenge the God has placed on my heart can be done on facebook or twitter. And it is simply this: Encourage one another. 1st Thessalonians 5:11 says, “So encourage each other and build each other up”. Rather than using modern technology to inform the world of your latest trip to the mall or how good the movie you just saw was. Instead post something meaningful. Post what God has been speaking into your life, post the scriptures that you have been reading, post something you saw that really encouraged you, post the victories Jesus has led you through. Or post the things that you are struggling with and see the outpouring from friends and family as they come to support you in your time of need. But more than that read what your friends are posting look for areas that you can help them look for places that you speak an encouraging word into their life and lift them up out of the lies of the enemy.

Changing the world has never started from the top and trickled down. Instead it has always started on the small scale, (2-3 people) and be brought up to the top with fire and conviction the likes of which is rarely seen.

So change starts with you, change the outlets that you have been so marvelously given to be outlets of encouragement, love, and joy. Chase away the spirits of depression and suicide from our instant-craving society.

Dream: Overpass

I’m standing under an overpass. Unlike most there are quite a few people around many walking both directions up and down the street. Cars are zooming along over us as well as the on the street just beside us. I can tell it’s some time in the future based on how everything looks and the style of their clothes.

I’m here to meet someone one. A woman that I love. In the back of my mind I know I’ve proposed to someone else, but this one is my true love. We hug and spend a few mins there ignoring the noise and the people passing around us, just the two of us and some nagging guilt in my head telling me that this is the one I should be with.

As we begin to leave a white van pulls up, and just like in the movies the sliding door opens and we jump in as quick as we can. Inside is my Pastor, Pastor Michelle, and some one else driving who I never see. The inside of the van is stripped to the metal panels, expect the two captains chairs that we are sitting in. PM sits across from us and hands us two metal snaps. (if you’ve ever seen a jacket that had metal buttons or snaps that were used instead of a zipper then you’ve got the right idea) I open the snap and inside is a red pill almost. I see out of the corner of my eye the woman I’m with take the pill. I follow suit and lick the pill right out of the snap.

That’s when I woke up. (Weird right?)

Attacking the Vision

For the past few weeks God has really put on my heart a vision for the future and He has begun to reveal to me the purpose he has for me on this earth.

So it seems only appropriate that the enemy would attack my physical sight as well.

A few weeks ago I went to the eye doc to get my eyes checked so I could get some new contacts. After a few lengthy tests the doc told me that based on the results he’s concerned that I might have glaucoma and I’d have to come back for additional tests. Which is currently scheduled for Tuesday (5/26/09). Glaucoma as I understand it is the death of optic nerves that can slowly and will unnoticeably reduce your vision. There’s no cure but with meds the effect of the disease can be slowed.

If this disease is not God’s will then it is an attack of the enemy. The pills seem like an easy solution. But really they are man’s solution to a spiritual problem. The devil would use them like chains around my neck.

Now I haven’t gotten a final diagnosis from the doc and I’ll probably get a second opinion anyway but I’ve begun praying against the spirit of infirmity, against the plans of the enemy, and that the Lord’s will be done.

And I’m asking you all to join with me. So that when I go back in on Tuesday I’ll have an amazing witness to the glory of God to share with the doc and to encourage my fellow believer’s.

With or without physical sight I will see the glorious face of my Lord and savior Jesus Christ. Because He has already won the victory.

Update 5/27/09

The Eye Doc confirmed yesterday that I do not have glaucoma, that my optic nerve is just larger than normal. Thank you for all your prayers. 🙂

Vision: Reach Out and Touch Someone

We live in an increasingly virtual world. We talk to each other through email, IM, and Facebook. I work all day on computers and programs that someday someone might use and hopefully it will make their lives easier, but more than likely I will never meet them. I don’t know my neighbors, I barely know my co-workers, and I struggle to connect to close friends and family through everyday conversation.

At times I feel like I don’t live in the real world.

I live a very comfortable life. I’m blessed with a good job, a loving family, and a wonderful wife. Sure I have my fair share of problems and difficulties, but if I’m hungry it’s cause there’s 30 minutes till lunch, if I’m in pain it’s cause I did too much at the gym, and if I’m worried it’s cause I’m not sure if my favorite TV series will be back next season. Now I’m simplifying here for the sake of making a point.

I feel at times like a live in my ivory tower of more-holier-than-though-christianity or I’m hiding behind my computer monitor thinking I’m making a difference because I write down my thoughts on blog for the world to see, when just outside my door is world full of real need.

I really feel this tug on my heart to reach out and touch the real world.

I don’t know what God has planned for my life, but I do know the things he’s pu on my heart. To see the nation of Israel, my family, and my country on fire for God the likes of which this world has never seen before. To see men living more like real men and not the neutered versions we see now. To take a stand against abortion. I don’t know my role in these things, and I don’t know how to accomplish them. But I do know that these things are on God’s heart as well.

While I may not know the full path ahead of me, but I do know the starting point.

Prayer – This is one area I really need to grow in. I’m not sure why it’s a weak point for me, but it really is. Prayer will draw me closer to God and his will. And that’s where I want to be. In the comming moths and years prayer will be a very important part of my family life and raising my children. I’ve started with learning to pray for my wife using a book that she gave me :-).

Mentor/Disciplship – Another thing God has really put on my heart to find a mentor or someone who will disciple me. To keep me accountable, to encourage me, or just give some wise counsel. This is especially important since my Dad passed away, I’ve grown to recognize God as my true father and Pastor Joe as a spiritual father, but I need someone in my daily life to stand in the gap.

Start Here and Now – I don’t think God’s call on my life is one that starts years in the future, but rather something that I should start working on now. By being a better witness at work, at the gym, or anywhere else I might go. The wrong thing here is to present my self as some perfect being, and the extreme of sinning along with the other person is just as wrong. But rather minister as Jesus did loving the sinner and not the sin.

This is a lot. A lot to explain and a lot to take in. And as I’ve said I’m not sure where all this is taking me, but what I do know is that God is slowly (in God’s perfect timing of course) answering one of my oldest prayers. And that is “what is my place in life”.

Me the Warrior.

Matthew 11:12 (New Living Translation)

12 And from the time John the Baptist began preaching until now, the Kingdom of Heaven has been forcefully advancing,[a] and violent people are attacking it.

I always daydreamed about being this great action hero (You know Rambo, Batman, Superman all rolled into one). In my head I can see myself as this vicious fighter. Take no prisoners kind of guy. If you know me, that’s definitely the opposite from who I am on the outside. But it has always been my dream.

I know in my head and especially in my hear that I’m called to be a Mighty Warrior for God, but I’ve really struggled with putting it into practice. So when I came across this post by Seth Barnes, it really was right on with how I want to be.

“Look, hell, you may have taken my loved one away. You may have robbed me of something I held dear. You may have marked me for destruction, but I sure as heck (go ahead and say “hell” if you’re feeling particularly righteous) am not going to sit here and take it! I am going to fight you for what God has given me. Society may place a premium on being nice and looking proper, but I don’t have any more room in my life for nice! I will fight you tooth and nail for what is mine, and furthermore, now that you’ve riled me up, I will exact a price for this. Where I’ve been complacent, I will start putting on the Ephesians 6 armor. Where I’ve been passive, I will start praying warfare prayers. Instead of sleeping in, I’m going to start getting up early and praising God. I’ve had it – I’m not going to sit still any longer! I know there’s a warrior’s spirit in me somewhere, and I intend to summon it up!”

I’m going to focus on this for awhile, and try to begin to walk it out.

Dream: Christmas in the Mountains

I haven’t recorded a dream in awhile, not that I haven’t had any just none as vivid as this or I haven’t been able to hang on to them long enough to write down.

The dream starts off with me and Arielle driving through the mountains faster than we should have (really it reminded me of a Bond movie), and of course as we go around a curve I see an officer just sitting there waiting waiting to catch a speeder like myself. Keeping my eyes on the winding road ahead I don’t see if he turns on his lights to come after me, but I do realize that the place we are going is just ahead. So turn off the main road onto the driveway of a large cabin. Inside is what appears to be a large Christmas party, I don’t remember much about who was there or who I interacted with. But what I do remember is repeatedly going outside to check on my car. See I was worried that the officer I saw on the road would follow me, and try to find out where I had gone. So kept going back to check on the car and make sure that no cops had shown up. In between the trips outside, I was just hanging out in the main room of this warmly lit cabin. While I was in this room, Pastor Michelle showed up dressed as Mrs. Claus. Again I went to check on the car, and as I was walking out I saw my mom also dressed as Mrs. Claus. It was during one of these trips outside that I saw a cop car come into the parking lot, it went through slowly an then left. Relieved I rejoined the party inside, and decided to explore the outer deck. The deck was pretty interesting, what I remember most was this gigantic Christmas tree off to the right. As I’m walking around it, I hear the familiar voice of my father and as I get closer I see he’s dressed up as Santa Claus doing something with the kids. Oddly I didn’t stay and talk to him, but merely kept walking, just happy that he was there. Back inside my mom pulls me aside and starts telling me about a problem she’s been having with Sam’s school. It seems they put together an end of the year video and for some unknown reason they included budget information. What they included was that my mom had paid something like $300 to the school, and it really embarrassed my mom. She went on to say that it had something to do with Sam’s health insurance. All the time she’s telling me this the feeling of anger was really vivid, anger at the school for embarrassing my mom like this. It was about this time that I woke up, so I don’t know where it was all headed. And trust me I think it’s as weird as you do. But it’s important to remember these kinds of things, so there it is. What’s interesting to me is the three really vivid emotions I went through fear (of the cops), joy (at seeing my dad), and anger (or being upset, at my mom’s ordeal). Don’t know what it all means or even if it has meaning.

Maybe someday I’ll understand.

I am a desperate man.

I am in desperate need. Lord hear my prayer.

I am desperate for your Grace.

I am desperate for your Strength.

I am desperate for your Wisdom.

All I have to offer in return is my life. If I had more that I could give, I would.

I pray that my sacrifice is pleasing to you.

My Lord, Master, and Savior, here I am your humble servant.

Thank you Lord for pouring out your grace, your strength, and your wisdom in abundance.

Thank you Lord for pouring out blessings and favor beyond all imagination.

Does God Care?

Have you ever had perfect timing with a stop light? I mean that light turns green just before you start to step on your breaks, instead of the usual where the light turns red and you have to stomp on your breaks to make sure you don’t run a red light. It’s a beautiful thing when it happens.

I’ve had more than one crappy day in my life. Days where I’m driving home or somewhere else, I’m already irritable, and I come up to that intersection where the light is always red (you know the one), and it has to be the longest red light ever created. Wow you should hear the grumbling that goes through my mind as I approach that light. But this time I see that beautiful shade of green, the worries and troubles of the day just seem to melt away. I’m reminded of God’s grace and love. I tell God thank you for this small bit of grace that has suddenly turned into a modern day miracle. I know it’s not parting the Red Sea, but on a day like that it might as well be.

Immediately the thought hits my mind, “Does God really care about you getting that light?”. And from the perspective of the universe as a whole it’s not that big of a deal (neither is my day for that matter). So the natural, logical side of me wins, and I go back to by dreary day. It’s not as bad as before, but that light doesn’t mean the same thing.

At least until the other day.

I was running a bit late for work, which is not the norm (just in case my boss is reading, I wanted to clarify that :)), and I had perfect timing for catching the elevator. Once inside the elevator, I said a quiet thank you to God for blessing me with the elevator. And like normal, the thought hits me about does God really care, but this time was different. The Holy Spirit asked me a simple question, “Don’t you want God to care about the small stuff?”. My reply went something along the lines of “Ummm yeah”. I wish I could articulate what followed, but I just can’t. The Holy Spirit showed me that the relationship that God wants with us is one where even the little things in my life are interesting to him. He doesn’t just want me to share the big things in my life with him, but everything in it, my plans, my feelings, everything. And like wise He wants to share everything with me. Isn’t that wonderful, and doesn’t that challenge us to lead a different kind of life?

The short answer: Yes!