How to Guide Your Team Through Conflict

This is a great post from Donald Miller’s blog on how to guide your team through conflict.

Here are some keys for a team to survive conflict:

1. Invite God into the conflict. Structured, daily prayer will give people a sense of hope. Bring God into the conflict and trust that He is there with you

2. Commit to having patience. It’s going to get tough, and nobody is going to get what they want out of the situation, so settle in and have some patience.

3. Have compassion. Some people register pain more than others, but resentment is an open door for the conflict to win. Don’t resent somebody else’s pain, even if you suspect they are playing the victim. Give them what they need for much longer than you might need it yourself.

4. Take some time to grieve. If there’s conflict, it’s likely because somebody, or something (a vision or a desire) has died. Moving on to quickly is not helpful. Give yourself a great deal of time to grieve what has been lost. Giving yourself permission to grieve will stop the voices of condemnation for feeling so weak. Weakness after a loss is part of the healing process, and so it should be associated with strength.

5. Serve one another. If it helps, go to a calendar and find a date a month or even a year out. Commit to serving everybody in need until that date. Of course we should always be servants, but pointing to a date on the calendar breaks up a tough commitment into an actionable step, and will stop you from trying to overly control the situation, a mistake a lot of people make when times get hard.

6. Listen. Listen to everybody involved. Make a list of names if you have to, and make appointments with everybody experiencing the conflict, and simply listen to how they are feeling. Try to formulate their thoughts and repeat it back to them so they know you understand. Share your own feelings with them. Much of the pain involved in a tragedy is the feeling of being alone and not having people in your life that understand. Listening will help people not feel so alone.

7. When the grieving is done, map out a vision and process to rebuild what was lost.Give yourself permission to slowly move forward.

8. When the time is right, write down all God has developed within you because the conflict took place. You’ll be amazed at His ability to redeem a tragedy and make something beautiful grow as a monument to the beautiful thing that was lost.

Want to Get to Know Somebody?

I’ve always had a tough time starting conversations. Not just that, but verbal communication in general for me has always been difficult. So whenever I see good conversation tips, I try to make a point to read them and put them into practice. Here are some good ones from Donal Miller’s blog post entitled “Want to Get to Know Somebody? Understand Their Story”.

A story is a character that wants something and overcomes conflict to get it. So next time you meet somebody, delve into their story, not their job or the weather they experience where they live. To find out a persons story, you have to find out what they want or have wanted in life, what conflict they endured in getting what they wanted, and what great moments of celebration they have experienced. Questions like this:


1. Why did you come to America?

2. What drives you?

3. What do you hope for for yourself and your family?


1. That couldn’t have been an easy transition to America. What was the most shocking thing you endured?

2. Was that a lonely journey?

3. Did you ever think it wasn’t going to happen for you?


1. When did you realize you were happier than the average man?

2. If there could be a moment in the future when you’ll realize that you made it, what would that moment look like?

3. When the credits roll, what do you think is most important in life?

If you ask these questions, I promise, you will be entertained for the next hour. Not only will you hear stories, but you will watch as a person truly reflects on their life, and you’ll learn a great deal about what most people find important. You’ll be amazed that most people don’t really care about money or prestige, they care about love, about weddings and funerals, about children, about dignity and integrity.

The Mentoring Project

The Mentoring Project – Elephant Musth Cycle from The Mentoring Project on Vimeo.

@tmproject seeks to respond to the American crisis of fatherlessness by inspiring and equipping faith communities to mentor fatherless boys.

Find out more at The Mentoring Project and @tmproject