I Don’t Care What I Think Anymore

Jamie Neumann is in her 10th month on THE WORLD RACE. Her latest post is below. You can check out her blogs at: http://jamieneumann.theworldrace.org/

I might be putting myself on the line here for this blog.  You might view it as radical, or stuff that just does not happen anymore.  You might blow it off, and that’s okay, because one day God will reveal the truth to you.  But here is what I have come to know… I don’t care what I think anymore.

This has been year of self-discovery and invigoration of my faith.  I wish I could articulate what I have grown to learn, but I cant.  All I know is I have a greater understanding of the things I already knew along with a whole new ball park of things I wouldn’t let myself believe in.  My whole life I spent searching for more.  Originally I thought I would find God in the university, in getting a great 6 figure job, and finding the perfect husband…. because that is what America is all about right? You go to church every Sunday and go back to whatever you were doing for the rest of the week. But little did I know I would find a better understanding of God by living out of a backpack for a year with the lost, broken, homeless, orphaned, and widowed the i ever could with the ordinary way of living.  I guess I should have paid attention to the scriptures when it said the first shall be last.

I used to think that God was stagnant; I  was calloused to His ways and how He worked.
I used to think praying for the sick and dying was futile.
I used to think people couldn’t have physical encounters with God.
I used to think people who got emotional or danced during worship were embarrassing.
I used to think God didn’t work miracles through people anymore like he did in the ancient of days.
I used to think that tongues were a fake babbling of people who were pretending to be spiritual.
I used to think people couldn’t literally hear angels sing.
I used to think casting out demons was a scary thing.
I used to think raising the dead only happened the 3 or whatever many times that it happened in the bible.

As a culture we have taken God out of the equation.  We no longer live with a reckless faith where “all things are possible through Christ who strengthens me” (Phil 4:13).  Its so easy to take God out when you can just go to the doctor when you are sick, or go to the store to buy food when you are hungry, or turn the heat on in your house during the winter. But the rest of the world isn’t like that.  They still have that reckless faith to depend on God for their needs. Don’t take me wrong, I don’t think you should stop going to the doctor, or go hungry at night, or sleep on the streets (although more power to you to deny yourself) but it all goes back to the heart.  Why do we live the way we do? When the first shall be last and the last shall be first.  If lilies and the sparrows depend on God for their food let us complex humans (the best of all His creations) put Him back in the equation. But after a year like this, and thinking about all those things I used to think about how God couldn’t move I have decided I don’t care what I think anymore.

Now I cannot deny that God is more then alive; I am now brokenhearted yet full of joy for how He works.  I now admire reckless unguarded worship.  It is so contagious when you actually meet people who worship like they really believe in heaven and hell; people who actually cry, shout, and dance when they are encountering God himself.  Worship is amazing when it is unplanned and led by the spirit.  Freedom in that kind of worship in how He moves is what I experienced today in our 24 worship session in Berlin Germany.  God is so alive here. I now knowpassion so deep that you cannot help but express it.

I now know that God speaks directly to me if I actually take the time to listen.
I now know you can sing with angels when they encounter you during a worship session and the entire room hears them.
I now know that the sick can be healed because I have seen it with my own eyes when we prayed over a lady who could not walk in Nigeria, and then miraculously walked after our prayers.
I now know demons can be cast out and freedom is so sweet because I have seen it with my own eyes in Cambodia as 12 men prayed for hours over a man who was delivered from the fire of hell.
I now know that the dead can be raised, because my friend Dan Synder <– (click on his name to read the blog about it) had enough faith to pray for a little boy in Africa who died but came back to life.

I cannot explain any of these things, and believe me I am the first to be cynical over any of this spirit stuff. Believe me I have tried many times to deny any of this stuff was actually happening, but when its real its real.  God will not relent.  He does not want us to live boring mundane lives he wants to encounter us every minute of everyday. I wont be satisfied with anything ordinary, I wont be satisfied at all.  I want You.

What I love about this post, is that I see so much of myself in there. I see parts of my journey, and this gives me great hope that God will see me through to the end. Completely transformed into his image.

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. Phil 1:6


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Tall and quiet programmer from Memphis, that is in love with a sweet girl from Orlando.

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